Family visits can get a bit complicated, especially when different generations have different ideas about how they should happen. For one boomer grandma, she admitted that a family visit shouldn’t require her to do all the traveling. 

Grandma Jan questioned why she should be expected to visit her kids and grandkids since her house is where all the good times happen. From her perspective, all the fun activities and all the traditions are centered around her house. It only makes sense that the extended family comes to her.

A boomer grandma questioned why she should pack up all her things to visit family when the good times are at her house.

“So here’s the debate,” Jan began in her video. “Family says, ‘Grandma, why don’t you come visit us?’ But let’s be honest, Grandma’s house is where the traditions are, the cookies are, and all of the toys are.”

Jan explained that if she has to drive or fly to see her family, it means packing up all the gifts just to see them, so it’s probably time to flip the script. She questioned why it was suddenly normal for a grandmother to have to pack up her things just to see her family.

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The boomer grandma argued that the kids should be the ones to come see her, not the other way around.

“Should the kids pile into the car, bring all their toys, and just go visit Grandma? Bring all the love and chaos to her? Because here’s the truth, you can’t pack up all your grandma camp decorations, traditions, kitchen utensils, yard, all of that stuff to have grandma camp at your house,” Jan continued.

Jan ended her video by posing a question to her viewers. She asked whether it was suitable for a grandmother to be the one constantly on the road, or if it should be the other way around. She insisted that families should be the ones to pack up everything and drive to her. By doing that, they’re respecting her time and her ability to provide for the family.

In the comments section, most people were on Jan’s side. But there were also a good number of people who disagreed with her. Some pointed out that she’s the one who doesn’t have as busy a schedule as her other family members, especially her adult children, who most likely have full-time jobs and are also taking care of their kids.

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From their perspective, it can be a lot easier for one person to travel than for an entire household to pack up and get on the road. Others argued that visiting goes both ways in families, or at least it should. While Grandma’s house may hold all the traditions and memories, some people thought it was important for grandparents to occasionally step up since their schedules are much more flexible. 

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The best solutions start with meaningful conversations.

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There’s no doubt that Jan’s house is filled with memories and goodies for grown-ups and grandkids alike, but that doesn’t always mean getting there is easy. 

According to Today’s Parent, moms and dads spend between 40 and 60 hours a week just doing parent stuff. That means, if they work, they are basically working 2 full-time jobs. That means downtime is precious and limited. Does that mean a trip to Grandma’s is off the table? Definitely not. It just means that grandparents shouldn’t expect to always be visited, and they should absolutely be open to doing some traveling themselves. 

There’s an important caveat to all of this, however. You don’t know what works best for anyone involved unless you have a conversation about it first. Parents need to be open and honest about what will work for them, and the same goes for grandparents. 

Karl Pillemer, Ph.D a sociologist, researcher, and professor at Cornell, studies communication between adult children and their parents. What he has found is that because parents, regardless of age, are invested in their children, it can be difficult to, as he phrased it, “step out of their own needs” to evaluate what their kids really need.

Maybe always going to Grandma Jan’s works for everyone, and that’s amazing. But if it doesn’t, that’s okay too. Talk it out. Figure out a solution that allows lots of time together and great memories, regardless of whose house you’re at.

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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.